"About five years ago, my husband and I made reservations at a pretty high-end bistro
in San Francisco for New Year's Eve. The menu was prix fixe for the evening, with two choices for each of the appetizers, entrees, etc.
"This amazing couple came in to sit next to us right at the first seating. The dude was sporting a purple silk shirt, half-unbuttoned, fluffed-out chest hair, multiple gold chains. The lady was in leopard-print hot pants, just the best. Husband and I figured we were in for a treat, and we spent the meal mostly eavesdropping on this beautiful slice of humanity.
"We were not disappointed when they both decided to order the crudo for an appetizer. Now, I certainly don't fault anyone for not knowing what crudo is (generally Italian-style raw fish preparation, think sashimi). But their reaction, on the other hand…
"When the food was set down, they looked at it and began to poke at it with looks of horror on their faces. At this point, UglyShirt McJackass proceeded to stand up and holler at the server until they dropped what they were doing and came over to see what the problem was. Dude was irate, and began to inform the waiter at maximum volume that for the prices he's paying to show his lady a nice time on a holiday, how DARE the chef COMPLETELY FORGET TO COOK THE FISH. The server looked down at the thinly sliced, beautifully delicate pieces of artfully plated fish, and, bless his heart, said, 'Sir, I am so sorry, that is truly unacceptable. Let me take those back to the chef and we'll take care of this for you immediately.'
"My husband and I were at that point trying not to laugh as we both ate our own crudo, as the couple loudly grumbled next to us at any busser, server, whatever who had the misfortune of walking past their table: 'What kind of place is this? What kind of idiot completely forgets to cook fish? Did he even go to cooking school?'
"Not five minutes later, their server came back with the same beautifully composed plates, except now with these hideous, blackened, charred little shriveled slivers of inedible awfulness, which the server placed in front of them with a level of composure I have never achieved and informed the couple, 'The chef sends you his sincerest apologies and truly hopes you enjoy your fully cooked fish.'
"The proud winners of the 'Classiest Couple of the Year' award then dug into their disgusting plates of fish charcoal while wondering aloud about how hard it could possibly be to just cook the fish right the first time. https://www.thrillist.com/eat/nation/steak-tartare-franzia-stupid-people-in-restaurants-off-the-menu/food-and-drink
