"I was working at a coffee shop in Boulder, Colorado, where many of our customers were
bored rich people who hung out all day writing novels or meeting with their life coaches. A lot of them were pretty eccentric, as most rich people are, but were usually nice and liked to chat with us. We had one guy who would do tai chi while he was waiting in line. One was a lawyer specializing in DUI cases who wore an orange-and-seafoam-green suit every day. Another guy wanted a 45-second shot with the first 20 seconds poured out.
"There was one woman, however, who would constantly test not only our patience, but our ability to not be weirded out by even the strangest of rich people. She owned some kind of jewelry business and would use our coffee shop to interview potential employees. They were usually young, attractive students from the university who she would meet there to interview while she filed her nails or combed her hair. She never bought anything, and many times her interviewees would offer to buy her coffee, so she would let them while she sat there all day taking up a table. Since our Wi-Fi had a two-hour limit, she would schedule the interviews to be two hours apart so that she could poach the Wi-Fi code from the receipt of the fresh interviewee who had just bought coffee.
"One day she came in and we started rolling our eyes, preparing ourselves for an afternoon of her mooching off potential employees. But before I could say anything, she held her hand up as she walked by and said, 'I need to use the restroom first.'
"Fine with me.
"So she went in, and a few moments later, we started to hear this muffled whooping noise. It was really soft at first, like'‘whup, whooo-up, whup-p-p-p-,' but it soon turned into wet snorting followed by 'hrugh, ghurhg, hgurgh' and an aggravated hissing noise. By this point, the customers sitting near the bathroom started shooting concerned glances in our direction, so I went and got our poor manager, who was on break, to tell him what was going on. He came out to hear the toilet flush and her stomping around the bathroom like a horse.
"He looked at us with tired eyes. 'Whoever wants to go in and clean up after she's done can go home early.' It was supposed to start snowing later that evening, and the thought of getting a bottle of tequila and a pizza before the storm came in sounded amazing, so I volunteered to do it.
"It should come as no surprise that when she finally came out she made a beeline for the front door and took off like she had just robbed the place. I gathered the bathroom cleaner, gloves, paper towels, and fresh garbage bags and went inside, preparing for the absolute worst. https://www.thrillist.com/eat/nation/fajita-thief-el-pollo-loco-weird-restaurant-stories-off-the-menu/food-and-drink
